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You would not believe the dream I had this morning.
I was in my old house in Ilkeston, and my parents were still together. That was a minor point though, since we had a Zombie Infestation. All i can remember from it is the end, although I'm sure it had been going on for longer than that, because we were hiding in the house. In fact, I think it might have started out as an episode of Frasier, where i was Daphne but Niles was dead. There was more than just my family in the house, there were other survivors too. I went to see Mum & Dad downstairs in the living room and realised that the zombies had got into the kitchen. I had to close the kitchen door as quietly as possible and warn M&D. They wouldn't go with me though. Outside wasn't safe, so all I could do was go upstairs and hide in the bathroom. The only weapon I could find was a tiny kitchen knife - the one I use for peeling spuds. There was a man already in there - a Han Solo/Mal Reynolds type, all sharp-shooting-sharp-tongued-and-a-little-bit-broody - who grabbed me, delighted I was still alive. He professed that he'd 'always loved me' (apparently, we were old friends) but had always been afraid to tell me, it was only thinking I'd been Zombified that had made him bite the bullet. Not just chivalrous love, either, his feelings were rather explicit... lucky old me! He then said that he had to go and get help for us (Boo), that I should wait there and stay safe until he came back for me, and pegged it out of the window. I waited. For some reason, i drew a bath. There was a knock on the bathroom door, I hoped it was Mum but it was a girl hiding with us, very upset. She said something terrible had happened, and first I thought she had been bitten but when I heard moaning and clamouring at the door and outside the window i realised that she had inadvertantly drawn the zombies' attention to our hiding spot. I had to get out and find the lovely man, but Zombies were everywhere - beating down the door and congregating below the 1st floor window. I had to jump... and this bit was great, because it went into slow-mo, and I half-fell, half-flew around ten feet from the window... just enough to clear the zombies, landed with a roll and ran, Zombies hot at my heels. Outside the house I found a fierce battle between some survivors and the Zombies... and the survivors were being lead by my lovely man! Woo! They had run out of weapons and all i had was my pathetic little knife, so when a Zombie lunged at me, I reached for the closest thing to a hand (a fresh-from-the-oven pie... do NOT ask me what that was doing there!) and flung it at him. It landed on his head, and the heat of the pie filling made his head explode. I had inadvertantly discovered that Zombie brains were very sensitive to heat change, and that anything that suddenly made their heads very hot or very cold would messily kill them. Clever Old Me! A food fight broke out, pie, cake and Zombie brains splattering everywhere. Eventually there was only one Zombie left to kill. The chief Zombie which was, strangely, the Zombie of Ronnie Barker in his Porridge days (I swear, I'm not making this up) only we'd ran out of hot stuff, so I had to kill him by holding ice on his head, which took forever. Norman Stanley Fletcher copped it, very slowly, and me and the lovely man walked free, unscathed. Yay! A happy ending! Except that my childhood home was destroyed and my family had all been killed. But still. Lovely man!
I was in my old house in Ilkeston, and my parents were still together. That was a minor point though, since we had a Zombie Infestation. All i can remember from it is the end, although I'm sure it had been going on for longer than that, because we were hiding in the house. In fact, I think it might have started out as an episode of Frasier, where i was Daphne but Niles was dead. There was more than just my family in the house, there were other survivors too. I went to see Mum & Dad downstairs in the living room and realised that the zombies had got into the kitchen. I had to close the kitchen door as quietly as possible and warn M&D. They wouldn't go with me though. Outside wasn't safe, so all I could do was go upstairs and hide in the bathroom. The only weapon I could find was a tiny kitchen knife - the one I use for peeling spuds. There was a man already in there - a Han Solo/Mal Reynolds type, all sharp-shooting-sharp-tongued-and-a-little-bit-broody - who grabbed me, delighted I was still alive. He professed that he'd 'always loved me' (apparently, we were old friends) but had always been afraid to tell me, it was only thinking I'd been Zombified that had made him bite the bullet. Not just chivalrous love, either, his feelings were rather explicit... lucky old me! He then said that he had to go and get help for us (Boo), that I should wait there and stay safe until he came back for me, and pegged it out of the window. I waited. For some reason, i drew a bath. There was a knock on the bathroom door, I hoped it was Mum but it was a girl hiding with us, very upset. She said something terrible had happened, and first I thought she had been bitten but when I heard moaning and clamouring at the door and outside the window i realised that she had inadvertantly drawn the zombies' attention to our hiding spot. I had to get out and find the lovely man, but Zombies were everywhere - beating down the door and congregating below the 1st floor window. I had to jump... and this bit was great, because it went into slow-mo, and I half-fell, half-flew around ten feet from the window... just enough to clear the zombies, landed with a roll and ran, Zombies hot at my heels. Outside the house I found a fierce battle between some survivors and the Zombies... and the survivors were being lead by my lovely man! Woo! They had run out of weapons and all i had was my pathetic little knife, so when a Zombie lunged at me, I reached for the closest thing to a hand (a fresh-from-the-oven pie... do NOT ask me what that was doing there!) and flung it at him. It landed on his head, and the heat of the pie filling made his head explode. I had inadvertantly discovered that Zombie brains were very sensitive to heat change, and that anything that suddenly made their heads very hot or very cold would messily kill them. Clever Old Me! A food fight broke out, pie, cake and Zombie brains splattering everywhere. Eventually there was only one Zombie left to kill. The chief Zombie which was, strangely, the Zombie of Ronnie Barker in his Porridge days (I swear, I'm not making this up) only we'd ran out of hot stuff, so I had to kill him by holding ice on his head, which took forever. Norman Stanley Fletcher copped it, very slowly, and me and the lovely man walked free, unscathed. Yay! A happy ending! Except that my childhood home was destroyed and my family had all been killed. But still. Lovely man!
