Better than a kick in the knickers with a winklepicker

You know what I'm really into, at the moment? Swingle. Check this funky assed shit out.







YOU'RE WELCOME.

So me & a few pals over in Cumberland discovered an old (and very funny) song by Victoria Wood called Pam and decided it was very applicable to Sherlock.



Anyway, I've rewritten it to fit the Cumberverse. Hope you like it!

Can I tell you my moniker?
I’m Sherlock Cecil Danger Asbo Holmes, Esquire.
I don’t like flares or bootcut jeans
I haven’t owned a training shoe since my mid teens.
I don’t drop t’s, I don’t say “oi”,
Had my grammar beat into me when I was a boy
Been decades since I cried real tears,
I bunked with my big brother for eleven years.

At boarding school, my feelings grew
And thanks to youthful hormones, body parts did too
A friend called Victor had my heart
And the previously mentioned swollen body parts
One Easter morn I let him know –
The law said “straight to prison”, but my eyes said “go”.
He invited me to taste his dick
My olfactory system’d had more pleasure being sick.
Sorry, Victor, not for me
Found out a tad too late I don’t like buggery.
I reminded him of his fiancée,
So he punched me in the face and said he wasn’t gay.

Eventually, my heart moved on,
I chummed up with a chappie by the name of John.
He moved in, he seemed quite nice,
Wore army boots and knitwear but I didn’t think twice.
Then one night he seemed upset
I said, are you not happy in my maisonette?
He met me at the swimming pool
And said he’d have to break their strict ‘no bombing’ rule.

I didn’t faint or throw a fit,
As little as I cared for his semtex jacket
I asked to see my enemy –
The lad from Bart’s IT Support who fancied me.
I said, ‘you call this a love note?
‘Putting my best friend in an exploding coat?’
He warned us with a sniper rifle
That he didn’t take our interest as a passing trifle
Sorry Jim, the game is on
And I take exception to the way you’ve dressed up John
John didn’t fuss or flinch or cough
But he cocked an eyebrow when I ripped his Parka off.

A few months past, when feeling low
I went to catch a killer out in Mexico
So much to do there after dark
With a friendly foe I’d once stepped out with at Thorpe Park
It might have been the Daiquiris
But the way she threw a punch seemed to dissolve my knees
We looked like such a happy two
Beating off The Strangler in the ladies’ loo

I told her sex had been a farce
She took it as a challenge and refreshed my glass
And I felt that there was no disgrace
To admit I like both violin and double bass
She said to search for my old watch
Concealed about her person as she approached my crotch
That’s the last I saw of my best pants
And the towel rail in the ensuite never stood a chance
I must admit, that time was fun,
But I knew I’d need a shower of shame once I was done
At last I saw the appeal of curves
Although when we tried it standing up I trapped a nerve
I went Arrrrgggh (that type of sound)

She left me – took my passport too,
But the next time that we met, at least she gave me flu
But, Mycroft noted as he poured my Scotch,
I’ve found that I can love again and found my watch!

This is Vi's favourite song right now. She can sing nearly all of it by herself. I'm so proud!

It's called 1996 And All That - it's the soundtrack to my later teens. Lots and lots of Britpop, a few Old Skool dance tracks thrown in. Enjoy.

http://open.spotify.com/user/scriblit/playlist/4bfneFsIDEP2YsInzwlxXD

Oh, and this is mainly for Miss C - see? It *does* exist!

I'm too much of a grumpy old goat to watch Children In Need, so I missed this little bit of magic when it was on. It may well be the perfect music video. Vi certainly thinks it is.

Her favourite bits are Igglepiggle wandering into the back of the shot, the Pinky Ponk at the end and the Fat Controller. I really like the Koala Brothers, the Wombles and Paddington's James Brown act. It might be the sleep deprivation of the last few days, but the Hey Jude bit brings a little tear to my eye. But then, Hey Jude often does that to me anyway. Joyful. (Except... since when was Thomas the Tank Engine so scary looking?)

Wooo, I'm finally Spotified up!

And this means I can at last do a tres, tres geeky thing I've been thinking about for a while now - namely, soundtracks to my epic fics.
Here's Rollercoaster's

Tracks are:
Quantum Theory - Jarvis Cocker - General theme
Carioca - Fred Astaire - Sung by Q in 'Blue Fairy Godmothers Don't Wear Sombreros'
Ode To Joy - Beethoven - Sung by Tasha & Data, theme music to triumph over Fajo.
Ballroom Blitz - Sweet - Inspiration for Tasha & Data's dance at the O'Brien Wedding
Baby Get Your Head Screwed On - inspiration for the Time's Arrow adventure
Suddenly Seymour - Little Shop Of Horrors Cast - rehearsed (unsuccessfully) by Data and Tasha during 'The Best Intentions'.
'Something Changed' - Pulp - general theme to the S7 adventures, especially the All Good Things adventure.( Tracks under the cut are for forthcoming stories - possible slight spoilers for where Rollercoaster's going... )
Hope you enjoy!

iTunes meme from chaletian.

Length of Songs: 6.5 days

Sort by Song Title:
FIRST: ABC - the Jackson 5
LAST: 10538 Overture - ELO

Sort by Time:
SHORTEST SONG: Brief Interlude - Dialogue: Armed Bastards, from Life on Mars Soundtrack 0.04
Actual song: The Mustard from Buffy 'Once More With Feeling' - 0.18
LONGEST SONG: Linda Smith Gala - 58.04
Actual song: Tired of You - The Foo Fighters - 31.12

Sort by Album:
FIRST SONG: Welcome To The Alesha Show - Alesha Dixon
LAST SONG: The Blue Danube - 2001: A Space Odyssey

Top 10 Most Played Songs:
01. Come Home Billy Bird
02. Cracklin' Rosie (eurgh. I have serious issues with the presence of Neil Diamond on the iTunes)
03. Birdhouse in your Soul
04. Days
05. Jolene
06. ABC
07. I'm Gonna Get Me A Gun
08. Fairytale of New York
09. I can See Clearly Now
10. Lovely Head

First 10 Songs that Come up On Shuffle:
01. A song from Charlie & Lola about having a cold
02. A chapter of the H2G2 Radio series where Zaphod's talking to his dead Great Grandfather
03. 'A Noble Girl About Ton - Dr Who S4 Soundtrack
04. Chasing Ghosts - Alsha Dixon
06. Weather To Fly - Elbow
07. Hushabye Mountain - Bobbie Gentry
08. Will You Ever Be My Girl - The Crayons (Hubs' friend's band)
09. The Show Must Go On - Moulin Rouge
10. Pretty Woman

Search...
“Sex” : 5 (2 of which are "I hear Sex Noise" from Spaced!)
“Love” : 161
“You” : 227
“Death” : 1
“Hate” : 4 (none of which actually include the word 'hate' on its own - it's 3 'whatever's and 1 'shattered'!)
“Wish” : 6

Jesus Wept! Am I seeing things or does the front page of OK Magazine actually have a blurry photo of a possibly-dead-certainly-dying Jacko being bundled into the ambulance? Did I miss a meeting where it was decided that any pretence of respect for the dying or bereaved relatives is now going to be ignored in favour of ghoulish voyerurism? Whatever you think of the bloke - I've never been a big fan in particular and went off him personally around the Earthsong/Jarvisgate incident, but I enjoy his music from the 70s & 80s still - he was still a human being, splashing pictures of him dying on the front page to flog copies of your shitty downmarket gossip rag is still diabolical. Whether the family approved of it or not (and from what I've heard about them, I wouldn't put it past 'em) it's still grotesque. We really are no better than the cunts who used to pay to point and laugh at Bedlam patients, aren't we? Modern media is rubbish.

Still not popped.

Love this remix of 'Being For The Benefit of Mr Kite'.


All pretty normal until 1:48 where it breaks into She's So Heavy and Helter Skelter on top of the end of Mr Kite. For some reason, it makes me think of Twelfth Night. It makes me want to do a version of the play set in a Mental Institute.