Celebrity Interviews: You're doing it wrong!

Found this on Andrew Colling's Blog (via Richard 'Moon on a stick' Herring's Blog).

I don't know what to make of Hardeep Singh Kohli - I really didn't like his sitcom, I thought it was dreadful, but he's filled in for Charlie Brooker in the Grauniad on occasions and been jolly funny. Nobody, however, deserves to have to try to put up with an interview as godawfully bad as this, however.

This isn't actually Alan Partridge interviewing BTW, although it might as well be. It's some local DJ for BBC Birmingham or something. The licence fee pays his wages. The mind boggles.

The Internetz, you have ruined me...

You know the trouble with writing fanfiction, creating angsty backstories and romantic ships based on a few little suggestive Looks and phrases... you start doing automatically it for your toddler's preschool programmes. These are the backstories me and Hubs have come up with for Balamory and its grittier, grimmer urban counterpart, Me Too...



Red arrows indicate unrequited sexual feelings towards the character being pointed at.

A - Laird of the Manor. Porphyria has left him completely mad. Is living off his inheritance, the locals humour his delusion that he is a professional inventor even though all he ever does is stick bits of rubbish together. Has a servant left over from his father's days who he forces to pretend to be a robot butler.

B - Was witness to a gangland shooting in New York, was put on the Witness Protection Scheme in Balamory as he now has a price on his head.

C - Lesbian.

D - Dementia. Penny has taken pity on her and taken her in.

E - Used to be a vigilante, took a bullet to the spine while trying to apprehend a villain. Knows Spencer's secret, has vowed to protect him should he ever be discovered.




A - was jilted on the eve of her Wedding, still wears the dress sometimes.

B - Their marriage is a sham, since he is clearly gay. She's been his best friend since school, this is all to appease his horribly right-wing parents.

C - Used to be a crack addict and a street walker, has cleaned up her act since having her son, knows cleaning the buses at night is the best job she's likely to get, and it beats giving blowjobs in alleys for drugs money.

Pathetic, eh? Don't even get me started on In The Night Garden (Coma Dream) and Little Red Tractor (Farmer desperately trying to get into a young widow's knickers by befriending her kids).