Spazzy throats and showers.

Every now and again (like a couple of times a year) I wake up in the middle of the night with my throat all spasmic - pretty scary for both me & hubs since the only way to breathe in seems to go through my voice box, making these weird loud tight gasping noises, and the only way to breathe out is to cough - I think it might be phlegm related, as it usually happens when I've got a chest cold coming. Only usually after a couple of gasps I can breathe OK, and this week it's happened twice - both times for about 30 seconds before I can breathe normally. Being a Hypochodriac, I'm obviously worried that I've got Cancer of the Everything, and that next time I go to sleep I'll choke to death.

Also, our shower is completely knackered and leaking, again. The whole bathroom will probably have to be done. AGAIN. We'll probably just move soon, to be honest. We want to get an unfurnished gaffe and start getting furniture that's actually comfortable anyway.

Ideas for TV Series:

(thought up in the Beer Garden earlier this evening):

Dismembered & Sodomised: Sunday Night 'Tec Light Drama starring Victoria Wood as Joan Dismembered and Julie Walters as Celia Sodomised. Two middle class, menopausal women cycle around a sleepy country village, in the 50s, solving a series of brutal sexual attacks on young men, where they have been fully castrated and buggered.

What's My Poo: A bit like What's My Line, only the panel of celebrities have to distinguish which animal a pile of faeces has come from.

And least we forget, of course...

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining: Cop Buddy show in which Tough, Grizzled DI John Cloud teams up with cheery, grey haired DI Jim Lining.

A Stitch In Time Saves Nine: Time Travel Drama - John Stitch knits a time machine and each week needs to travel to a different period of history to save each seperate member of The Fellowship Of The Ring from certain death.

Beat Around The Bush: George W Bush becomes an undercover policeman in the Shepherd's Bush area of London tracking down a serial sex offender who likes to beat women around their bush.

Everybody's favourite - Many Hands Make Light Work: Mr & Mrs Hands live in a lighthouse with their 7 argumentative offspring. Each week a calamity occurrs which results in the light going out on a foggy night and the Hands family must overcome their differences to get the light working again before any ships run ashore.

And my personal fave - Softly Softly Catchy Monkee: Estranged husband and wife DI John Softly and DI Jane Softly are, despite their upcoming divorce proceedings, teamed together to track down and arrest Mickey Dolenz.