Rollercoaster
Dec. 21st, 2008 03:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
r_scribblesRushing past to post part 2 of Generation Gap... have lots of catching up on LJ to do, but it'll have to wait!
Part 2
-x-
Sela turned back to Tasha, her own phaser still unshakingly aimed at the other woman.
‘Get rid of that disguise,’ she ordered. ‘Who do you hope to fool?’
Tasha began to remove her prosthetics. ‘And who exactly did you intend to fool with that plan to disguise yourself as me?’
Sela shrugged. ‘Oh… just your close colleagues, your nearest and dearest… to be honest, they are rather stupid. I’ll give you credit though; even though it failed, I never expected you to execute the same plan as us before we had the chance to.’
Tasha finished peeling off her forehead. ‘Perhaps we’re more alike than we give each other credit for.’
Sela scowled at her, frostily. ‘We have nothing in common.’ She paused. ‘I notice you’re quite distracted by the picture.’
Tasha blinked. She hadn’t realised she’d still been looking at it.
‘And in answer to the question I’m sure you’re about to ask,’ Sela continued, ‘yes, the man with me there is my father. Now, he is a hero worthy of reverence. He is respectable.’
‘Respectable,’ Tasha echoed. ‘Your mother’s rapist is “respectable”?’
Sela took a sudden, angry step towards Tasha, but brought herself under control, quickly. ‘He is not a rapist,’ Sela snarled. ‘How can you rape a whore?’
‘He told you that?’
‘He didn’t need to tell me. I have you as all the proof I need.’ Sela’s knuckles were practically white around her phaser. ‘Isn’t it true that you can’t even remember how old you were when you lost your virginity, or how many men have had you?’
Tasha nodded smoothly. ‘That’s the truth. But that’s only because…’
‘Spare me the sad story. Even in Starfleet, you were no better. Even now. You flirt shamelessly with male officers – even your Captain; you have developed a practically filial bond with a Klingon that even other Klingons don’t wish to speak with; you allow that meddling slattern of a Betazoid into your mind; and…’ Sela leaned in close so that she could practically spit the end of her statement in Tasha’s face, ‘you fuck a machine.’
‘He’s no more a machine than either of us,’ Tasha told Sela quietly.
‘Do I have to rip it open and show you the wires?’ Sela barked. ‘It’s a machine, no matter how much you anthropomorphise it. You’re worse than a whore. You’re a degenerate.’
‘Did people say the same of your father,’ asked Tasha, ‘for sleeping with a human?’
The phaser in Sela’s hand was beginning to tremble. ‘Everything I learn about Natasha Yar is shameful. Shameful! I am so proud of my father for giving you the execution you deserved. The only thing I will never comprehend about him is how he ever fell under your spell in the first place.’
Tasha smiled serenely. ‘But I’m not her.’
Sela furiously opened her mouth to reply, but at that moment, the door opened and Picard, Spock and Data were ushered through by armed Romulans. Sela turned to them, her phaser still aimed at Tasha.
‘Well, gentlemen,’ she greeted, testily. ‘It will appear that your little “Secret Weapon” was not as effective as you’d hoped.’ She gestured for Tasha to stand with the others and then moved over to her desk. ‘Still. Now you can all stand together while you…’ Sela faltered. ‘You know what…? I was going to give you and your friends the chance to gain a little leeway with us, Ambassador. I’d written you a speech and everything. You were going to assist us in ushering an invasion force onto Vulcan, in return for certain… kindnesses in your capture.’ She stood back, with a scowl. ‘But why should I even bother? You’d only refuse.’
‘Indeed,’ Spock replied, ‘I would.’
‘So why should I give you the opportunity to reject my offer – to look down your nose at us; arrogant old has-been that you are?’ She began to move away from her desk once more. ‘No. We have a perfectly good holographic image of you that will do the job just as well. I reject you, Ambassador Spock.’ She turned, and eyeballed the four prisoners. ‘I reject all of you.’ She paused. ‘I have work to do. The ships are closing in on Vulcan as I speak, and I have the relatively simple task of persuading the idiots in Starfleet that they mean no harm. The four of you may stay here while Vulcan falls – as your Commander Yar has already discovered, there is no way out of this office. After that…’ she smiled, bitterly. ‘I eagerly anticipate your slow, painful, humiliating deaths.’
At that, she and her guards swept out of the office, leaving the door to shut fast on the four prisoners behind them.
‘I think,’ Tasha admitted after a brief silence, ‘I might have made her angry.’
‘What did you say to her?’ Picard asked.
Tasha shrugged. ‘Guess I just have a knack for infuriating people.’ She gave Data a small smile.
‘Tasha,’ added Data, ‘did you not tell me that you would most assuredly not be captured on this mission?’
‘Data, now is not the time for “I told you so”s.’
‘Nevertheless…’ began Spock.
‘Anyway,’ Tasha continued, quietly, ‘you got captured before I got captured…’
‘Nevertheless,’ repeated Spock, a little louder, ‘I believe that this situation may, in fact, be used to our advantage.’
‘How?’ asked Picard.
‘Sela was indeed enraged when she left us here,’ Spock explained, ‘and rage has a tendency to cloud judgement. I have reason to believe that, in her anger, she overlooked the fact that, for Commander Yar to have been studying her files, we must have the computer’s access codes.’
As one, the prisoners turned their heads to look at the large computer bank built into the wall.
‘Commander Data,’ muttered Picard, ‘do you think you can seize control of the holographic programmes from here?’
Data moved swiftly to the computer. ‘I believe that it is a possibility,’ he replied.
‘So, we turn the holographic Spock’s address into a warning?’ Tasha clarified.
‘Indeed.’
Tasha shrugged with feigned nonchalance. ‘Another day, another planet saved. Now all we need is a way we can all get out of here in one piece.’
‘Sela has proved herself to be easily distracted,’ reasoned Spock. ‘If we can utilise that, we may find ourselves with a window in which to escape.’
‘Distract them with something shiny and then run away?’ Tasha grinned. ‘No offence, but isn’t that a little old fashioned?’
Spock simply arched an eyebrow.
‘I think,’ Picard announced, ‘I have a plan.’
-x-
Tasha looked down at the fallen figure of Commander Sela.
‘Good plan, Sir,’ she admitted.
Picard stepped over one of the stunned guards. ‘We’d better hurry. The nearest entrance to the underground system is over 200 metres away, and we don’t particularly want to run into any more of Sela’s people.’
Tasha allowed the two older men out first, and then brought up the rear with Data.
‘I wish you’d have let me knock her out,’ she muttered to the android.
‘Why?’ Data asked. ‘Do you believe that you are more proficient at performing the Vulcan nerve grip than I?’
‘Data,’ Tasha replied, ‘there are times in life when a swift punch to the face is the only reasonable response.’
‘And you believe that that was one of those occasions?’
‘I certainly do.’
Data raised his eyebrows. ‘I apologise if you consider my action to have been inappropriate. However…’
Ahead of them, Picard and Spock stopped at a narrow door.
‘An emergency evacuation point,’ Spock explained. ‘It will lead to an underground service tunnel.’
While Tasha and Data ensured that the corridor was indeed clear, the Vulcan tapped a code into the combination lock and opened the door. He and Picard went through while the others hurried to catch up. Just as Tasha put her hand on the door, however, she heard a voice.
‘Sela?’ spoke the deep voice from the hallway behind her. ‘What has gone wrong? Why is…’
Tasha turned, training the phaser she had stolen from Sela’s unconscious body on to the large Romulan male. Her eyes widened. It was him. The Romulan from the picture. It was Sela’s father.
‘You…’ she breathed.
The Romulan’s expression of recognition and horror mirrored her own, sickening feelings. ‘Tasha. I…’ he trailed off, at a loss for words.
In his shock, Sela’s father hadn’t even drawn his weapon, but Data was fast to confiscate it from him in any case. ‘Are you acquainted with this person?’ asked the android.
‘Yes and no,’ Tasha muttered.
‘I…’ the Romulan was still floundering.
Tasha felt her knuckles tighten around the phaser. ‘What’s the matter?’ she taunted, despite herself. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’
The Romulan took a deep breath and shook his head. ‘Sela told me you were still in Starfleet… some sort of pan-dimensional accident…’
‘Darndest thing, huh?’ Tasha replied through clenched teeth. ‘I just won’t stay dead.’
‘This is Sela’s father,’ Data realised, ‘is it not?’
‘What have you done with Sela?’ the Romulan asked. ‘Is she safe?’
‘Damn site safer than you are right now,’ Tasha replied.
Sela’s father blinked in realisation, and slowly raised his hands in surrender. ‘I see.’
‘Tasha?’ Data asked. ‘How is it that you propose we resolve this situation?’
Tasha ignored the android’s question. ‘How many times did you rape me, old man?’
The Romulan shook his head. ‘You don’t even know my name, do you, Tasha?’
Tasha squeezed the phaser a little harder. ‘I don’t want to know your name! How many times did you rape me?’
‘I must remind you, Tasha,’ continued Data, with a rising level of urgency, ‘that it was not “you”, per se, who was a captive on Romulus. I must also remind you that if you are seeking to use any unnecessary violence to wreak vengeance upon an unarmed man, then…’
‘Tell me!’ ordered Tasha.
‘It wasn’t like that,’ pleaded the Romulan.
‘Did I beg?’ Tasha continued, her voice growing harsher as her throat tensed. ‘Did I cry? Did I scream? Did I tell you about my childhood, and the things that had been done to me back then?’
‘Tasha…’ Data warned.
‘I was always gentle,’ the Romulan told her. ‘I was always courteous and kind to you.’
‘Right up until the day you murdered me.’
‘Tasha…’ was that a tear the old Romulan was blinking away…? ‘You broke my heart.’
‘Don’t,’ seethed Tasha.
‘I loved you!’
Tasha lunged forward so that her phaser was pressed against the Romulan’s chest. ‘Don’t you dare!’
‘Tasha!’ warned Data again.
‘Don’t you dare use that word to describe what you did! Don’t you dare use that word so simply! You can’t lock me in a cage and play with me when it suits you and take away everything that I am and call that love. How dare you, you… you…’
She felt a firm, cool hand grasp hers, and pull the phaser up towards the ceiling. Until she felt the steady grip of the android, she hadn’t realised that she was shaking.
‘Let me go, Data.’
‘No.’
‘Let me go!’
‘I will not allow you to do this, Tasha.’
Her hand was still tight around the phaser. The face of the Romulan in front of her began to blur as hot tears welled up in her eyes.
‘He’s a murderer.’
‘But you,’ Data told her, ‘are not.’
Tasha took a long, deep breath…
…and held it…
…and let go of the phaser.
It slipped from her hand into Data’s, who swiftly span it in his palm, pulled back his arm and slammed the hilt of the weapon into the Romulan’s temple. Sela’s father fell to the ground with a pained moan.
Tasha blinked at Data as he pulled her towards the evacuation door.
‘I thought it pertinent not to provide him with the opportunity of alerting others to our escape,’ Data explained. ‘Besides which, is it not the case that “there are times in life when a swift punch to the face is the only reasonable response”?’
-x-
Home.
Yeah, it really did feel good to be back on the Enterprise. Her quarters seemed particularly luxurious and spacious after the ride home in that damned Klingon ship. Nevertheless, she found once there that she didn’t want to sprawl in her big, comfortable bed and sleep for hours on end as she had assumed she would. Instead, she felt a sudden urge to visit a particular place she hadn’t been to in some time. She went to the holodeck and accessed Wonderland. Once there, she quickly walked away from the oversized funfair, and slithered down a steep hill until she found herself in a peaceful forest glade. She sat at the foot of a tree, picking at the wildflowers and letting her mind wander.
She was uncertain how long she’d been there before she heard footsteps behind her.
‘Hi, Data.’
‘Hello.’ There was a brief pause. ‘I hope that you do not object to my disturbing you. I believed that it was necessary for us to speak in private, concerning the incident immediately prior to our escape on Romulus.’
‘That’s OK,’ Tasha muttered.
Data sat down next to her. ‘You may be encouraged to know that I have not included any details about the exchange in my report other than the fact that a single Romulan officer noticed us during our flight, whom I disarmed and knocked unconscious as you distracted him. May I suggest that your own report be similarly… vague.’
‘Sure,’ nodded Tasha, concentrating on the carpet of flowers, ‘thanks.’
There was another pause.
‘Tasha?’
‘Mmm?’
‘I have noticed that your face is flushed and your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been crying?’
Tasha blinked and frowned. ‘Not sure.’ She wiped her face. It was wet. ‘Guess so.’
Data nodded. ‘Am I to understand that, although you personally were never forced to be a Romulan concubine, the experience of being faced with a man who had raped and killed an alternate Tasha Yar was traumatic for you?’
‘Pretty much.’
‘I consider myself fortunate never to have been in a situation of sexual violation. Even if I were, being devoid of emotion would shield me from the distress that you must have suffered as a girl.’
Tasha shook her head. ‘You make it sound like it was all in the past. It’s still with me, every day. You think about what you’d do if you ever saw one of those men again. Sometimes the thought of that makes you cringe and panic; you think if you ever saw one of those faces again you’d just want to run away and hide. But most of the time, you actually want to bump into them again. You relish the thought, because then you’d be able to get your own back on them. You’d be able to hurt and humiliate them the way they did you. You think up all these crazy revenge fantasies, where they’re crying and begging for mercy, and you just laugh… and, of course you know it’s just a fantasy, but sometimes you just need it to keep you going.’ She paused. ‘A long, long time ago, I made up my mind that the best revenge was to live my life well while all those bastards rotted on Turkana, and I did just that… but in the back of my mind, in some dark dreams in the middle of the night, those images of bloody revenge were still there. And then the other day, I was faced with the opportunity to take that revenge. It wasn’t just Sela’s father standing in front of me with his arms up – it was every man who’s ever used me. And I…’ She trailed off.
‘You did not kill him,’ Data reminded her, ‘even though you had the opportunity.’
‘Exactly,’ Tasha breathed. ‘I couldn’t do it. Even if you hadn’t intervened, I knew in my heart of hearts that I just couldn’t do it.’
‘I do not believe that that is anything to become discouraged over,’ Data told her. ‘Quite the contrary, in fact. You did not allow your anger to overshadow your reason, or your morality.’
‘What do I do with this anger?’ Tasha muttered, more to herself than to the android at her side. ‘It’s been over fifteen years, and I can’t silence it. And now I know that I can’t even act on it. What do I do now?’
Data paused for a moment. ‘Earlier in this conversation,’ he noted, ‘you told me that you considered the best revenge upon your attackers was to live well – to raise yourself above their level. Is that in itself not “acting upon your anger”?’
Tasha gazed sideways at him. ‘Are you telling me that the anger’s a good thing? That I have to keep using it as a catalyst for my life – my career?’
‘Having no first hand experience of anger, I cannot tell you whether I believe that it is “good” or “bad”. However, I have noticed amongst my human companions an ability to transfer negative emotions into positive actions. It is an admirable skill.’
Tasha smiled down into her lap. ‘Don’t tell me you were actually proud of me back there.’
‘I am incapable of pride,’ replied Data. ‘However, I personally consider your actions during the escape from Romulus to have been… commendable.’
She rested her head on his shoulder. ‘Thank you.’
She paused, closing her eyes. ‘I think I can go to sleep now.’
And that was exactly what she did.
Part 2
-x-
Sela turned back to Tasha, her own phaser still unshakingly aimed at the other woman.
‘Get rid of that disguise,’ she ordered. ‘Who do you hope to fool?’
Tasha began to remove her prosthetics. ‘And who exactly did you intend to fool with that plan to disguise yourself as me?’
Sela shrugged. ‘Oh… just your close colleagues, your nearest and dearest… to be honest, they are rather stupid. I’ll give you credit though; even though it failed, I never expected you to execute the same plan as us before we had the chance to.’
Tasha finished peeling off her forehead. ‘Perhaps we’re more alike than we give each other credit for.’
Sela scowled at her, frostily. ‘We have nothing in common.’ She paused. ‘I notice you’re quite distracted by the picture.’
Tasha blinked. She hadn’t realised she’d still been looking at it.
‘And in answer to the question I’m sure you’re about to ask,’ Sela continued, ‘yes, the man with me there is my father. Now, he is a hero worthy of reverence. He is respectable.’
‘Respectable,’ Tasha echoed. ‘Your mother’s rapist is “respectable”?’
Sela took a sudden, angry step towards Tasha, but brought herself under control, quickly. ‘He is not a rapist,’ Sela snarled. ‘How can you rape a whore?’
‘He told you that?’
‘He didn’t need to tell me. I have you as all the proof I need.’ Sela’s knuckles were practically white around her phaser. ‘Isn’t it true that you can’t even remember how old you were when you lost your virginity, or how many men have had you?’
Tasha nodded smoothly. ‘That’s the truth. But that’s only because…’
‘Spare me the sad story. Even in Starfleet, you were no better. Even now. You flirt shamelessly with male officers – even your Captain; you have developed a practically filial bond with a Klingon that even other Klingons don’t wish to speak with; you allow that meddling slattern of a Betazoid into your mind; and…’ Sela leaned in close so that she could practically spit the end of her statement in Tasha’s face, ‘you fuck a machine.’
‘He’s no more a machine than either of us,’ Tasha told Sela quietly.
‘Do I have to rip it open and show you the wires?’ Sela barked. ‘It’s a machine, no matter how much you anthropomorphise it. You’re worse than a whore. You’re a degenerate.’
‘Did people say the same of your father,’ asked Tasha, ‘for sleeping with a human?’
The phaser in Sela’s hand was beginning to tremble. ‘Everything I learn about Natasha Yar is shameful. Shameful! I am so proud of my father for giving you the execution you deserved. The only thing I will never comprehend about him is how he ever fell under your spell in the first place.’
Tasha smiled serenely. ‘But I’m not her.’
Sela furiously opened her mouth to reply, but at that moment, the door opened and Picard, Spock and Data were ushered through by armed Romulans. Sela turned to them, her phaser still aimed at Tasha.
‘Well, gentlemen,’ she greeted, testily. ‘It will appear that your little “Secret Weapon” was not as effective as you’d hoped.’ She gestured for Tasha to stand with the others and then moved over to her desk. ‘Still. Now you can all stand together while you…’ Sela faltered. ‘You know what…? I was going to give you and your friends the chance to gain a little leeway with us, Ambassador. I’d written you a speech and everything. You were going to assist us in ushering an invasion force onto Vulcan, in return for certain… kindnesses in your capture.’ She stood back, with a scowl. ‘But why should I even bother? You’d only refuse.’
‘Indeed,’ Spock replied, ‘I would.’
‘So why should I give you the opportunity to reject my offer – to look down your nose at us; arrogant old has-been that you are?’ She began to move away from her desk once more. ‘No. We have a perfectly good holographic image of you that will do the job just as well. I reject you, Ambassador Spock.’ She turned, and eyeballed the four prisoners. ‘I reject all of you.’ She paused. ‘I have work to do. The ships are closing in on Vulcan as I speak, and I have the relatively simple task of persuading the idiots in Starfleet that they mean no harm. The four of you may stay here while Vulcan falls – as your Commander Yar has already discovered, there is no way out of this office. After that…’ she smiled, bitterly. ‘I eagerly anticipate your slow, painful, humiliating deaths.’
At that, she and her guards swept out of the office, leaving the door to shut fast on the four prisoners behind them.
‘I think,’ Tasha admitted after a brief silence, ‘I might have made her angry.’
‘What did you say to her?’ Picard asked.
Tasha shrugged. ‘Guess I just have a knack for infuriating people.’ She gave Data a small smile.
‘Tasha,’ added Data, ‘did you not tell me that you would most assuredly not be captured on this mission?’
‘Data, now is not the time for “I told you so”s.’
‘Nevertheless…’ began Spock.
‘Anyway,’ Tasha continued, quietly, ‘you got captured before I got captured…’
‘Nevertheless,’ repeated Spock, a little louder, ‘I believe that this situation may, in fact, be used to our advantage.’
‘How?’ asked Picard.
‘Sela was indeed enraged when she left us here,’ Spock explained, ‘and rage has a tendency to cloud judgement. I have reason to believe that, in her anger, she overlooked the fact that, for Commander Yar to have been studying her files, we must have the computer’s access codes.’
As one, the prisoners turned their heads to look at the large computer bank built into the wall.
‘Commander Data,’ muttered Picard, ‘do you think you can seize control of the holographic programmes from here?’
Data moved swiftly to the computer. ‘I believe that it is a possibility,’ he replied.
‘So, we turn the holographic Spock’s address into a warning?’ Tasha clarified.
‘Indeed.’
Tasha shrugged with feigned nonchalance. ‘Another day, another planet saved. Now all we need is a way we can all get out of here in one piece.’
‘Sela has proved herself to be easily distracted,’ reasoned Spock. ‘If we can utilise that, we may find ourselves with a window in which to escape.’
‘Distract them with something shiny and then run away?’ Tasha grinned. ‘No offence, but isn’t that a little old fashioned?’
Spock simply arched an eyebrow.
‘I think,’ Picard announced, ‘I have a plan.’
-x-
Tasha looked down at the fallen figure of Commander Sela.
‘Good plan, Sir,’ she admitted.
Picard stepped over one of the stunned guards. ‘We’d better hurry. The nearest entrance to the underground system is over 200 metres away, and we don’t particularly want to run into any more of Sela’s people.’
Tasha allowed the two older men out first, and then brought up the rear with Data.
‘I wish you’d have let me knock her out,’ she muttered to the android.
‘Why?’ Data asked. ‘Do you believe that you are more proficient at performing the Vulcan nerve grip than I?’
‘Data,’ Tasha replied, ‘there are times in life when a swift punch to the face is the only reasonable response.’
‘And you believe that that was one of those occasions?’
‘I certainly do.’
Data raised his eyebrows. ‘I apologise if you consider my action to have been inappropriate. However…’
Ahead of them, Picard and Spock stopped at a narrow door.
‘An emergency evacuation point,’ Spock explained. ‘It will lead to an underground service tunnel.’
While Tasha and Data ensured that the corridor was indeed clear, the Vulcan tapped a code into the combination lock and opened the door. He and Picard went through while the others hurried to catch up. Just as Tasha put her hand on the door, however, she heard a voice.
‘Sela?’ spoke the deep voice from the hallway behind her. ‘What has gone wrong? Why is…’
Tasha turned, training the phaser she had stolen from Sela’s unconscious body on to the large Romulan male. Her eyes widened. It was him. The Romulan from the picture. It was Sela’s father.
‘You…’ she breathed.
The Romulan’s expression of recognition and horror mirrored her own, sickening feelings. ‘Tasha. I…’ he trailed off, at a loss for words.
In his shock, Sela’s father hadn’t even drawn his weapon, but Data was fast to confiscate it from him in any case. ‘Are you acquainted with this person?’ asked the android.
‘Yes and no,’ Tasha muttered.
‘I…’ the Romulan was still floundering.
Tasha felt her knuckles tighten around the phaser. ‘What’s the matter?’ she taunted, despite herself. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’
The Romulan took a deep breath and shook his head. ‘Sela told me you were still in Starfleet… some sort of pan-dimensional accident…’
‘Darndest thing, huh?’ Tasha replied through clenched teeth. ‘I just won’t stay dead.’
‘This is Sela’s father,’ Data realised, ‘is it not?’
‘What have you done with Sela?’ the Romulan asked. ‘Is she safe?’
‘Damn site safer than you are right now,’ Tasha replied.
Sela’s father blinked in realisation, and slowly raised his hands in surrender. ‘I see.’
‘Tasha?’ Data asked. ‘How is it that you propose we resolve this situation?’
Tasha ignored the android’s question. ‘How many times did you rape me, old man?’
The Romulan shook his head. ‘You don’t even know my name, do you, Tasha?’
Tasha squeezed the phaser a little harder. ‘I don’t want to know your name! How many times did you rape me?’
‘I must remind you, Tasha,’ continued Data, with a rising level of urgency, ‘that it was not “you”, per se, who was a captive on Romulus. I must also remind you that if you are seeking to use any unnecessary violence to wreak vengeance upon an unarmed man, then…’
‘Tell me!’ ordered Tasha.
‘It wasn’t like that,’ pleaded the Romulan.
‘Did I beg?’ Tasha continued, her voice growing harsher as her throat tensed. ‘Did I cry? Did I scream? Did I tell you about my childhood, and the things that had been done to me back then?’
‘Tasha…’ Data warned.
‘I was always gentle,’ the Romulan told her. ‘I was always courteous and kind to you.’
‘Right up until the day you murdered me.’
‘Tasha…’ was that a tear the old Romulan was blinking away…? ‘You broke my heart.’
‘Don’t,’ seethed Tasha.
‘I loved you!’
Tasha lunged forward so that her phaser was pressed against the Romulan’s chest. ‘Don’t you dare!’
‘Tasha!’ warned Data again.
‘Don’t you dare use that word to describe what you did! Don’t you dare use that word so simply! You can’t lock me in a cage and play with me when it suits you and take away everything that I am and call that love. How dare you, you… you…’
She felt a firm, cool hand grasp hers, and pull the phaser up towards the ceiling. Until she felt the steady grip of the android, she hadn’t realised that she was shaking.
‘Let me go, Data.’
‘No.’
‘Let me go!’
‘I will not allow you to do this, Tasha.’
Her hand was still tight around the phaser. The face of the Romulan in front of her began to blur as hot tears welled up in her eyes.
‘He’s a murderer.’
‘But you,’ Data told her, ‘are not.’
Tasha took a long, deep breath…
…and held it…
…and let go of the phaser.
It slipped from her hand into Data’s, who swiftly span it in his palm, pulled back his arm and slammed the hilt of the weapon into the Romulan’s temple. Sela’s father fell to the ground with a pained moan.
Tasha blinked at Data as he pulled her towards the evacuation door.
‘I thought it pertinent not to provide him with the opportunity of alerting others to our escape,’ Data explained. ‘Besides which, is it not the case that “there are times in life when a swift punch to the face is the only reasonable response”?’
-x-
Home.
Yeah, it really did feel good to be back on the Enterprise. Her quarters seemed particularly luxurious and spacious after the ride home in that damned Klingon ship. Nevertheless, she found once there that she didn’t want to sprawl in her big, comfortable bed and sleep for hours on end as she had assumed she would. Instead, she felt a sudden urge to visit a particular place she hadn’t been to in some time. She went to the holodeck and accessed Wonderland. Once there, she quickly walked away from the oversized funfair, and slithered down a steep hill until she found herself in a peaceful forest glade. She sat at the foot of a tree, picking at the wildflowers and letting her mind wander.
She was uncertain how long she’d been there before she heard footsteps behind her.
‘Hi, Data.’
‘Hello.’ There was a brief pause. ‘I hope that you do not object to my disturbing you. I believed that it was necessary for us to speak in private, concerning the incident immediately prior to our escape on Romulus.’
‘That’s OK,’ Tasha muttered.
Data sat down next to her. ‘You may be encouraged to know that I have not included any details about the exchange in my report other than the fact that a single Romulan officer noticed us during our flight, whom I disarmed and knocked unconscious as you distracted him. May I suggest that your own report be similarly… vague.’
‘Sure,’ nodded Tasha, concentrating on the carpet of flowers, ‘thanks.’
There was another pause.
‘Tasha?’
‘Mmm?’
‘I have noticed that your face is flushed and your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been crying?’
Tasha blinked and frowned. ‘Not sure.’ She wiped her face. It was wet. ‘Guess so.’
Data nodded. ‘Am I to understand that, although you personally were never forced to be a Romulan concubine, the experience of being faced with a man who had raped and killed an alternate Tasha Yar was traumatic for you?’
‘Pretty much.’
‘I consider myself fortunate never to have been in a situation of sexual violation. Even if I were, being devoid of emotion would shield me from the distress that you must have suffered as a girl.’
Tasha shook her head. ‘You make it sound like it was all in the past. It’s still with me, every day. You think about what you’d do if you ever saw one of those men again. Sometimes the thought of that makes you cringe and panic; you think if you ever saw one of those faces again you’d just want to run away and hide. But most of the time, you actually want to bump into them again. You relish the thought, because then you’d be able to get your own back on them. You’d be able to hurt and humiliate them the way they did you. You think up all these crazy revenge fantasies, where they’re crying and begging for mercy, and you just laugh… and, of course you know it’s just a fantasy, but sometimes you just need it to keep you going.’ She paused. ‘A long, long time ago, I made up my mind that the best revenge was to live my life well while all those bastards rotted on Turkana, and I did just that… but in the back of my mind, in some dark dreams in the middle of the night, those images of bloody revenge were still there. And then the other day, I was faced with the opportunity to take that revenge. It wasn’t just Sela’s father standing in front of me with his arms up – it was every man who’s ever used me. And I…’ She trailed off.
‘You did not kill him,’ Data reminded her, ‘even though you had the opportunity.’
‘Exactly,’ Tasha breathed. ‘I couldn’t do it. Even if you hadn’t intervened, I knew in my heart of hearts that I just couldn’t do it.’
‘I do not believe that that is anything to become discouraged over,’ Data told her. ‘Quite the contrary, in fact. You did not allow your anger to overshadow your reason, or your morality.’
‘What do I do with this anger?’ Tasha muttered, more to herself than to the android at her side. ‘It’s been over fifteen years, and I can’t silence it. And now I know that I can’t even act on it. What do I do now?’
Data paused for a moment. ‘Earlier in this conversation,’ he noted, ‘you told me that you considered the best revenge upon your attackers was to live well – to raise yourself above their level. Is that in itself not “acting upon your anger”?’
Tasha gazed sideways at him. ‘Are you telling me that the anger’s a good thing? That I have to keep using it as a catalyst for my life – my career?’
‘Having no first hand experience of anger, I cannot tell you whether I believe that it is “good” or “bad”. However, I have noticed amongst my human companions an ability to transfer negative emotions into positive actions. It is an admirable skill.’
Tasha smiled down into her lap. ‘Don’t tell me you were actually proud of me back there.’
‘I am incapable of pride,’ replied Data. ‘However, I personally consider your actions during the escape from Romulus to have been… commendable.’
She rested her head on his shoulder. ‘Thank you.’
She paused, closing her eyes. ‘I think I can go to sleep now.’
And that was exactly what she did.
