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r_scribblesWe watched 'Jumper' last night. Sweet Jeebs, it was shite. It was a real pity because it was actually a pretty good premise - a boy discovers he has the power to teleport anywhere at will, which opens up the entire world to him... he lives like a king at lets it go to his head for a while, then he finds there's an organisation that can, and wants to, kill him, and it all starts falling apart - and the effects were very good. But unfortunately it had been written by some sort of monkey. Possibly a 14 year old boy. A 14 year old boy who had lived off a diet of nowt but X Men, Heroes and Spiderman for the last year. The main guy goes from poor, abused Gary Stu to cackling, privileged bastard back to Heroic!Angsty!Gary Stu in about three seconds flat. And is played by Haydensen Christiensonsonson. Now, during the Attack of the Clowns and The Sith Hits The Fan I assumed that the poor lad was no good simply because the films were no good and Anakin Skywalker had been written as so very annoying that you actually wouldn't mind him being killed off at any moment even though that would have made none of the good Star Wars films make any sense. He's not exactly blessed with a wonderful character or sparkling script in Woolly Jumper either but I am still starting to suspect that a lot of the problem lies with him. He appears to have all the charisma of a partially eaten Scotch egg that's been left out in a motorway service station car park. In the rain. Overnight. He is effortlessly out-personalitied by Jamie Bell (who appears to be slowly but surely morphing into James Macavoy) even though Jamie's not actually in it that much and has the world's most offputting accent. It's weird. You're never quite sure whether it's supposed to be Geordie, Irish, Generi-London or a little bit American. It's like listening to Alistair McGowan having a breakdown. Disturbing. Oh, and Samuel L Jackson is his usual camp, shouty self. Only this time he's got white paint in his hair.
Oh, and there's a girl! Of course there's a girl. And not just any girl, it's the return of the generic girl-next-door-that-the-hero's-always-loved-who-used-to-have-big-dreams-but-has-let-life-get-her-down-but-now -that-the-hero-is-a-big-shot-he-comes-back-for-her-and-she's-just-so-down-to-earth-that-she-gives-him-a-much -needed-moral-compass-and-also-needs-saving-a-lot! You know, exactly like the love interests in Spiderman and the Nolanverse Batman movies and God knows however many more movies. The actress is OK, but it just feels so bloody by-the-numbers you can't invest any emotion in it. Seriously, can no superheroes move on past their early teens?
The ending takes the bloody biscuit, though. Well... if you can call it an ending. Clearly, the writer seemed to think that this was only going to be the first in an epic series of TOTALLY AWESOME MOVIES!!! as a bitter fight to the death between Haydensen Christiensonsonson and Samuel L Jackson culminates in the shocking move of Haydensen leaving Jackson stuck on the Grand Canyon, at which point, Samuel L, who has blatantly given up hope of this film actually being serious, expresses his upset by giving an Oliver Hardy style irritated Look at the camera. Fourth Wall broken, dust and mortar everywhere... Haydensen also has a fight with Jamie Bell and his weird accent, although I can't remember why, and leaves Jamie up a pylon. And then, right at the very, very end, the Big Bad is revealed... to be HAYDENSEN'S MUM!!! Dun-dun-duuuuuun! And the movie does absolutely nothing with it. They meet up, Mommy calmly says 'yeah, I'll probably kill you, but I'll give you a headstart in getting away - you are my son, after all,' and then he saunters off. The end. WHAT?!? That is not an ending, for the love of Jeff! I know X Men had a really open ending, but that's because it was a really well known franchise that would almost definitely get a sequel, partially because the first film was done very well. I think that was my main problem with Woolly Jumper. It thought it was much, much better than it actually was and wanted to ponce around pretending to be cool instead of actually telling a well rounded story. Pah.
Anyway, apart from that and a fire in my hat, it's been a very nice day. Feeling very jealous of Americans and people with SKy who get to watch BSG and Lost already. Will probably have to wait for the DVDs of the final BSG episodes to come out (so please, no spoilers, like, forever!) and, fingers crossed, iTunes will be selling Lost episodes of a Monday so I'll be able to catch up then. Again, spoiler avoidance is love, beloved FList!
My appetite is still slowly becoming more normal, so I'm more and more capable of cooking properly and eating healthier things than just toast, toast and more toast. I finally bit the bullet and gave Vi's hair a trim tonight. Her fringe looks a bit severe. Hairdressing was never one of my strong points. Still doing character notes for the final story of The New Adventures. Bloody Hell, the notes alone are epic. And I still think I'm forgetting things. This is going to be a mammoth job.
Oh, and there's a girl! Of course there's a girl. And not just any girl, it's the return of the generic girl-next-door-that-the-hero's-always-loved-who-used-to-have-big-dreams-but-has-let-life-get-her-down-but-now -that-the-hero-is-a-big-shot-he-comes-back-for-her-and-she's-just-so-down-to-earth-that-she-gives-him-a-much -needed-moral-compass-and-also-needs-saving-a-lot! You know, exactly like the love interests in Spiderman and the Nolanverse Batman movies and God knows however many more movies. The actress is OK, but it just feels so bloody by-the-numbers you can't invest any emotion in it. Seriously, can no superheroes move on past their early teens?
The ending takes the bloody biscuit, though. Well... if you can call it an ending. Clearly, the writer seemed to think that this was only going to be the first in an epic series of TOTALLY AWESOME MOVIES!!! as a bitter fight to the death between Haydensen Christiensonsonson and Samuel L Jackson culminates in the shocking move of Haydensen leaving Jackson stuck on the Grand Canyon, at which point, Samuel L, who has blatantly given up hope of this film actually being serious, expresses his upset by giving an Oliver Hardy style irritated Look at the camera. Fourth Wall broken, dust and mortar everywhere... Haydensen also has a fight with Jamie Bell and his weird accent, although I can't remember why, and leaves Jamie up a pylon. And then, right at the very, very end, the Big Bad is revealed... to be HAYDENSEN'S MUM!!! Dun-dun-duuuuuun! And the movie does absolutely nothing with it. They meet up, Mommy calmly says 'yeah, I'll probably kill you, but I'll give you a headstart in getting away - you are my son, after all,' and then he saunters off. The end. WHAT?!? That is not an ending, for the love of Jeff! I know X Men had a really open ending, but that's because it was a really well known franchise that would almost definitely get a sequel, partially because the first film was done very well. I think that was my main problem with Woolly Jumper. It thought it was much, much better than it actually was and wanted to ponce around pretending to be cool instead of actually telling a well rounded story. Pah.
Anyway, apart from that and a fire in my hat, it's been a very nice day. Feeling very jealous of Americans and people with SKy who get to watch BSG and Lost already. Will probably have to wait for the DVDs of the final BSG episodes to come out (so please, no spoilers, like, forever!) and, fingers crossed, iTunes will be selling Lost episodes of a Monday so I'll be able to catch up then. Again, spoiler avoidance is love, beloved FList!
My appetite is still slowly becoming more normal, so I'm more and more capable of cooking properly and eating healthier things than just toast, toast and more toast. I finally bit the bullet and gave Vi's hair a trim tonight. Her fringe looks a bit severe. Hairdressing was never one of my strong points. Still doing character notes for the final story of The New Adventures. Bloody Hell, the notes alone are epic. And I still think I'm forgetting things. This is going to be a mammoth job.
